White House releases UFO files
And the aliens are SUpeR insulted!
The Alien Community response to yesterday’s press release: “why did you hard launch us on war.gov?” Beat World’s investigative reporter reached out to one of our extraterrestrial contacts, who answered the phone slurring his clicks after reportedly downing a bottle of Jameson and case of pixie sticks. Our contact, who prefers to go by “Phil” stated: “this is so messed up, man. We waited decades for this, and they showed the humans pictures of Scrawny Pete and some busted old vehicles. And war.gov? Really?” Phil stated that the government promised aliens “a really cool website” but made no mention of a government subdomain. “They know we don’t have any money. I thought they were working with a web developer, meanwhile this is what we get. It’s insulting to be honest.” Phil declined to answer any further questions about the release, adding only “I gotta get down there, I’ll see you guys soon” before click-screeching and hanging up the phone.
—Beat World News Team
