Hantavirus: “We didn’t do this”
The Rodent community speaks Out!
Beat World’s reporters met with Rodent Representative Franklin Rat for an exclusive interview about the state of the world. “First thing’s first, we didn’t do this” Franklin whispered across the table of the five star Michelin restaurant, who requested to not be named in this article. “It’s always, ‘blame the rats. Blame the mice.’ And why, because we sometimes eat floor food?” Franklin told our reporter that the rats and mice have come together for the first time in recent decades to decry the accusations that they started yet another plague. “Think back to the big plagues, what else did they have in common besides rodents?” Franklin winked while mouthing the word “government” and continued “it was also before humans started washing their damn hands. Correlation does not equal causation.” When asked to expand on the recent bad press, Franklin put down his fork and pressed his napkin neatly on the table, looking our reporter dead in the eye: “We blame Pizza Rat. That sellout. He got his 15 minutes, and set our community back centuries.” Franklin told our reporters that Pizza Rat is now living in a midtown Manhattan high rise apartment, and “he knew exactly what he was doing.” Pizza Rat could not be reached for comment.
—Beat World News Team
